what was mistaken for closeness was just a case of mitosis.
Apr. 4th, 2007 | 10:35 am
When asked some friends, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY SHOULD I MAKE FOR DINNER?" during a particularly heavy case of indecision, here is what they responded:
Ed: "Butter."
Alida: "YOUR FACE."
Alissa: "Jesus will satisfy you."
Y'all creep the shit out of me, you know that?
Here are some pictures!
Why is Alida wearing my clothes? I DON'T KNOW.
Stats from the breathalyzer! Ed's BAC: .22%. Nic: .21%! Dave: .08%, THE NEXT FUCKING MORNING.
Also, this happened:
Let's play steak!
n. j. l.
Ed: "Butter."
Alida: "YOUR FACE."
Alissa: "Jesus will satisfy you."
Y'all creep the shit out of me, you know that?
Here are some pictures!
Why is Alida wearing my clothes? I DON'T KNOW.
Stats from the breathalyzer! Ed's BAC: .22%. Nic: .21%! Dave: .08%, THE NEXT FUCKING MORNING.
Also, this happened:
Let's play steak!
n. j. l.
Link | Leave a comment {5} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
fourth fifths of the engineering team in car accident, much yelping.
Mar. 31st, 2007 | 02:06 pm
Seems I do all my writing in emails lately. Here's an excerpt.
HERE'S A STORY ABOUT THURSDAY.
We were driving back from lunch in Brad's car when this fuck made an unprotected left turn in front of us. All of sudden the car is filled with smoke and air bags and bad smelling stuff. Sam lost his shoe for a little bit.
We get out and we're in the middle of a fucking intersection. I swear to God, the first thing I remember was this woman driving by slowly, saying, "You guys were in an accident!"
THANK YOU, MISS HELPER PERSON.
The driver of the van was this fat guy wearing the tshirt of a really bad 80s Marvel comic (I instantly hated him even more for this) and when I asked him if he was okay, he covered his face with his hands and his first words were, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING." He was that guy.
How do these people find me?
He then told us this could not happen at a worse time and that he was moving to South Dakota next Tuesday. "Not anymore, you aren't", was my response.
Before we parted ways, I looked down at his stupid Marvel Comics tshirt, looked back up at him, and said "Secret Wars sucked, by the way."
May not mean much to you, but for me, it was for the win.
So we move the car to the side of the road and we're standing there while Brad talks to his insurance company. Then, this guy in a clip on suit and tie (yes, a clip on suit) walks up and says "You guys were in the accident?" and I look at the fucked up car and say, "Well, we were in that fucked up car."
He hands me a card that says "Enterprise Rent A Car, Branch Manager" and says,"If you guys need a rental, I'll hook you up."
You don't get to be Branch Manager for nothing, I guess.
The boss now won't let us drive anywhere.
Hope you're all well.
n.j.l.
HERE'S A STORY ABOUT THURSDAY.
We were driving back from lunch in Brad's car when this fuck made an unprotected left turn in front of us. All of sudden the car is filled with smoke and air bags and bad smelling stuff. Sam lost his shoe for a little bit.
We get out and we're in the middle of a fucking intersection. I swear to God, the first thing I remember was this woman driving by slowly, saying, "You guys were in an accident!"
THANK YOU, MISS HELPER PERSON.
The driver of the van was this fat guy wearing the tshirt of a really bad 80s Marvel comic (I instantly hated him even more for this) and when I asked him if he was okay, he covered his face with his hands and his first words were, "I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING." He was that guy.
How do these people find me?
He then told us this could not happen at a worse time and that he was moving to South Dakota next Tuesday. "Not anymore, you aren't", was my response.
Before we parted ways, I looked down at his stupid Marvel Comics tshirt, looked back up at him, and said "Secret Wars sucked, by the way."
May not mean much to you, but for me, it was for the win.
So we move the car to the side of the road and we're standing there while Brad talks to his insurance company. Then, this guy in a clip on suit and tie (yes, a clip on suit) walks up and says "You guys were in the accident?" and I look at the fucked up car and say, "Well, we were in that fucked up car."
He hands me a card that says "Enterprise Rent A Car, Branch Manager" and says,"If you guys need a rental, I'll hook you up."
You don't get to be Branch Manager for nothing, I guess.
The boss now won't let us drive anywhere.
Hope you're all well.
n.j.l.
Link | Leave a comment {6} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
everything he ever wrote was just a love letter in disguise.
Jan. 31st, 2007 | 11:01 pm
Issue 5 of Slash Magazine is on newstands 03.01.2007.
It's appropriately titled "The Comeback Issue".
It includes more drivel from this writer. A piece I wrote in 2005 that I really barely remember. But still!
BUY IT.
I'll be more frequent with output. I promise.
I still love you. Really, I do.
n j l.
Link | Leave a comment {3} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
The company bathroom.
Jan. 22nd, 2007 | 03:42 pm
Sitting on that toilet makes me uncomfortable.
Link | Leave a comment {5} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
i have known terror dizzy spells.
Jan. 21st, 2007 | 01:26 pm
The Family Christmas photos, 2006.
These were taken earlier this month. I'm still incredibly amused by how impressively broken my dog looks in these photos. For serious, I can't stop giggling whenever I look at them.
Did I mention that I quit O'Reilly a few months ago? I get to have conversations like this now:
I'll attempt to entertain again soon, I promise.
n j l.Link | Leave a comment {1} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
kksf 103.7
Dec. 25th, 2006 | 01:49 pm
My father, a moment after he gets on the phone with my grandmother:
We're more than a little hungover here at Ventura Way.
My mom is now trying to explain to my dad how the fanny pack she got him for Christmas isn't really a fanny pack. He's holding the phone pretty far away from his ear now.
Merry Christmas.
nathan j laney.
"What? Jennie, it's not my birthday."
We're more than a little hungover here at Ventura Way.
My mom is now trying to explain to my dad how the fanny pack she got him for Christmas isn't really a fanny pack. He's holding the phone pretty far away from his ear now.
Merry Christmas.
nathan j laney.
Link | Leave a comment {1} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
you don't know how to work the intercom, do you, sir?
Dec. 19th, 2006 | 11:57 pm
Thanks to the amazing wonderful ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
mandaryn, I now have a phone again.
Everything is going to be fine.
Actually, no. I'm totally fucked.
Apparently my father joined livejournal?
LATER:
Thanks to_simstim_, I have now looked at his profile:
Can't make this shit up, people.
I don't know whether to be proud or panic or what.
n j l.
mandaryn, I now have a phone again.Everything is going to be fine.
Actually, no. I'm totally fucked.
Apparently my father joined livejournal?
LATER:
Thanks to
_simstim_, I have now looked at his profile:Can't make this shit up, people.
I don't know whether to be proud or panic or what.
n j l.
Link | Leave a comment {11} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
I HAVE NEEDS.
Dec. 18th, 2006 | 06:24 pm
Anybody have an unlocked or Cingular locked cell phone they are not using that I can borrow and/or buy?
Link | Leave a comment {9} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
schweppes bitter lemon.
Dec. 17th, 2006 | 07:22 pm
Never tell grandma that you've not feeling well. Tylenol, seltzer water, and a thermometer appear out of NOWHERE. Fever: 101, but that's not the point.
I swear to god she's about to take me to the pediatrician.
What am I even doing home?
She automatically rounded it up to 102 when she called my mother, by the way.
I swear to god she's about to take me to the pediatrician.
What am I even doing home?
She automatically rounded it up to 102 when she called my mother, by the way.
Link | Leave a comment {5} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
the west coast delay.
Dec. 15th, 2006 | 12:17 pm
When announcing my phone's death to my parents, I really did not expect them to use it as a forum to give me shit.
And that's not even the really disturbing thing about this. "May" be their son? WTF?
njl
Link | Leave a comment {15} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
it's raining in indian wells.
Aug. 30th, 2006 | 10:23 am
First instant message of the day.
Today's going to be a hoot.
::yawn::
Link | Leave a comment {5} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
the pyschology of it.
Aug. 1st, 2006 | 01:46 pm
<Tony> dick
<Jay> WHAT
(... 10 minutes later ...)
<Jay> no really
<Jay> can I help you in some way
<Jay> I'm all about helping
(... Tony says some stuff that Jay doesn't respond to ...)
(... one hour later ...)
<Tony> dick
<Jay> STOP SWEARING
(... Tony says some more stuff that Jay doesn't respond to ...)
(... two hours later ...)
<Tony> what do you think?
<Tony> dick
<Jay> I'M BACK
<Tony> i don't want to get too much into the psychology of it
<Tony> but you go crazy for dick
<Tony> it's the only way to get your attention
Link | Leave a comment {2} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
shot you down.
Jul. 10th, 2006 | 03:49 pm
Today, after stopping next to my selected toll stall on the Richmond - San Rafael Bridge, I turned to the toll lady and said "Morning."
Today's toll lady looked just like Noted Crazy Person Voodoo Minerva from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.
She eyed me and her only response was, "Boy."
I'm getting FasTrak, I swear.
n j l.
Today's toll lady looked just like Noted Crazy Person Voodoo Minerva from Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.
She eyed me and her only response was, "Boy."
I'm getting FasTrak, I swear.
n j l.
Link | Leave a comment {1} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
know your betters.
Jun. 16th, 2006 | 05:30 pm
Link | Leave a comment {2} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
Happy Birthday beeudoublez.
Jun. 7th, 2006 | 11:51 am
ENJOY SAN DIEGO YA BIG FLAMER.
There are no good pics of Nic and I.
See?
That's from the Sunset @ Stafford 2004.
Why would I even spread a photo like that around? But enough about me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASS HAT.
Link | Leave a comment {15} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
breakaway.
Jun. 5th, 2006 | 02:19 pm
This week, your local medical professional will tattoo little dots on my grandfather’s cancerous naughty bits.
Why?
So that during Chemo time fun time, they can find his cancerous naughty bits.
LITTLE DOTS.
WHISKY TANGO FOXTROT.
THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.
Every time my mother gives me an update on these items I start a fight.
Why?
Because I tirelessly contend that these people who are IN CHARGE OF MY GRANDPARENTS HEALTH did not even go to medical school.
Mom doesn’t like that.
In other news, my cream cheese was frozen this morning.
Which do you think I’m more pissed about?
jay
gotta get away
living the same old shit
each and every damn day.
Link | Leave a comment {3} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
CHAMPAGNE AND DONUTS BITCHES.
Jun. 5th, 2006 | 11:41 am
HAPPY BIRTHDAY radhegovinda!
You're a good person.
Link | Leave a comment {5} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
you're what happens when two substances collide.
May. 26th, 2006 | 12:56 pm
So my grandfather has the upcoming pleasure of going to chemotherapy five days a week. For something like three months.
OH THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
My grandmother was on the every other week plan for her chemotherapy. She pretty much failed chemo by almost dying.
So hopefully grandpa will fare better.
My grandmother has yet to retake her chemo, by the way. Her and I share a bond, because I never retook that art history class I failed.
Don’t you judge me.
jay
who feels alright
as long as something’s
happening.
Link | Leave a comment {8} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
sunday i am in a coma.
May. 12th, 2006 | 12:07 pm
BIRTHDAY.
SATURDAY, MAY 13TH.
TEN PM.
CASANOVA LOUNGE ON VALENCIA.
BRING YOUR MOTHERS.
AND NURSES. WHOMEVER.
MUST I DO EVERYTHING.
Something more coherent later, etc.
I never commit on these things till last minute.
SATURDAY, MAY 13TH.
TEN PM.
CASANOVA LOUNGE ON VALENCIA.
BRING YOUR MOTHERS.
AND NURSES. WHOMEVER.
MUST I DO EVERYTHING.
Something more coherent later, etc.
I never commit on these things till last minute.
Link | Leave a comment {11} | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend
power out.
May. 11th, 2006 | 05:44 pm
Yes!
It is my birthday this Saturday, May the thirteenth, two thousand of the six!
I pay no attention to these things.
There is nothing you can do about this, because I do what I want.
Yes, you and I are going to play together. You will make a margarita in my mouth.
Much like year the last, I do not know where.
OF COURSE YOU WILL BE AMONG THE FIRST TO KNOW.
FOR THE LOVE.
Bring your ATM card.
It is my birthday this Saturday, May the thirteenth, two thousand of the six!
I pay no attention to these things.
There is nothing you can do about this, because I do what I want.
Yes, you and I are going to play together. You will make a margarita in my mouth.
Much like year the last, I do not know where.
OF COURSE YOU WILL BE AMONG THE FIRST TO KNOW.
FOR THE LOVE.
Bring your ATM card.